Bury the Zombies This Halloween

The New Port Richey Patch editor is seriously anti-undead.

Despite my love of saying the word "zombies," I actually don’t find the shambling (sometimes running) undead scary, fun or interesting in any way.

I mean, I don’t get the popularity. What’s so scary about a string-less, smelly puppet that just happens to look like a person you knew or cared about at one point?

…. OK, so maybe that is a little scary. But not really any more so than any other monster. I especially can’t figure out why people like The Walking Dead. It’s just Night of The Living Dead extended past one night and made boring.

People are scary and smelly enough already.

I prefer the smart or ancient monsters.

That creature crawling on the ceiling and waiting to hang down and grab you. The demon that possesses your kid just for giggles. The skunk ape lurking in the Everglades. The dragons waiting somewhere in a volcano.

That alien from John Carpenter’s The Thing that you know is out there somewhere reading this.

The giant whale that evolved some type of appendages that allow it to walk on land and is rising from the deep to mess up your day because you dumped a single can of Four Loko Classic in its breeding grounds and it don’t know up from down any more.


Any of these things is scarier than a zombie.

So you can bury the undead… I want the monsters back this Halloween.

P.S. The monsters from the movie Pacific Rim don't count. They're lame. The monsters sleeping beneath the real Pacific Rim? They're invited to the party.

What’s your favorite Halloween horror? Share it in the comments.

Alex Tiegen October 24, 2012 at 06:22 PM
The "having to see our loved ones die but you have to kill them" thing is the only thing I find scary about zombies. The rest of the things you mentioned could be accomplished just as well by a giant land whale. Or maybe a pod.
ssm October 25, 2012 at 11:35 AM
My Halloween horror is that when I open my door to give out treats, I find the homeless.
Jared Leone October 25, 2012 at 11:51 AM
Skunk ape!
Katie Dolac October 26, 2012 at 12:18 PM
And you chose the perfect soundtrack for this story!
Maureen Perez October 01, 2013 at 10:04 AM
What's not scary... one bite and you wind up just like them!!


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